I think Doom: The Dark Ages is really, really good. I also think there's no reason to review it in the classic sense. This is not to denigrate it or to say that it possesses undetectable levels of virtue, so any attempt to access it isn't required. No! I say thee nay. It's like Kellog's trying to seek a Michelin star for a Pringle. It has plain, universal virtues that don't require any fine equipment to detect. We don't gotta plug anything in.

I loved Metal: Hellsinger, which is on sale for ten dollars right now for some insane reason. That is an explicitly rhythm-based shooter, with profound mechanical and experiential rewards for maintaining the beat. The strictures of Satan's realm define every quadrant of how you must comport yourself. The Slayer in Doom: The Dark Ages is more like a conductor - defining a kind of rhythm as he madly strafes around, your WASD keys smoking with the heat and effort. It's got a very nineties/early oughts vibe with its dragon flying and hell mecha sections; they used to love making radical but often sorta half-baked alternate gameplay and these callbacks are executed better than their inspirations.

iD talked about "stand and fight" being what you do against the largest foes, but I engage with these systems more like a prize fighter; I'm in close when it makes sense and then I'm out. Functionally speaking I can fly great distances laterally with their new chainsaw shield, which precision delivers Ikarugan thrills with its ability to reflect green bullets with a timed parry. Eventually, you get access to a truck of bonus attacks that proc off the reflect, three distinct melee modes that reward you… it's symphonic in that way. I have tools for moment and, broadly writ, I use them to beat the shit out of demons.

Here's the things I'll say. I don't a hundred percent know what's going on with these two shotgunny weapons that crush skulls. The animation for the projectiles moves at a goofy rate that doesn't fit with the rest of the game's interactions. Plus, my normal mode of moving around and the tools I have at my disposal - like a shield dash that lets me cover an incredible amount of ground while pulverising anything remotely close to the point of impact - means these aren't really for anything. There's just no room on my plate for them. And "Hurt Me Plenty" doesn't really hurt at all. If you are reading this website you're gonna want to go to Nightmare at a minimum if you want to feel something like the intended experience. It has a lot of spooky imagery that is very intense in quotes but they're going for Nineties Sweet and they're giving Nineties Sweet. I'm having a blast.

I'm going to add a coda here at the end that wasn't in the original post because I just wrapped credits.  By the time Doom Eternal got to the end, it had absolutely overstayed its welcome.  It was too long and the final boss literally just made me mad.  This feels like the right length, because I would like a little more.  I jumped into the multi immediately after Eternal and had a good slash weird time in there, but there was a little treat and I was in.  I still think there's some headroom in Dark Ages and I wish I could get a taste. 

(CW)TB out.