Chekov's Dick

The Rivals vibes were immaculate for much longer than is statistical; people were just in there having fun, looking at the cool art, figuring out how to manage a roster of more than thirty universal paragons at once. Quickplay has curdled a bit since then, which it would basically have to do.

When Gabe rides into one of my hunts, he's always dripped out in the latest monster guts. The first time I saw him he looked like he does in the strip, hugged by weird claws. Moist where he should be dry, and - crucially - dry where he should be moist. It's a heinous affront to wear this evil jerky anywhere, let alone… well, I guess that's what the strip is for.

I'm way down in the M-hole, which sounds bad, and maybe it is. Maybe it's not safe to be in the M-hole for this duration. One reason might be the prevalence of M down there, or Monsters. It's literally their hole and they don't like it when you go in. Obviously you need guild authorization to hunt monsters but, uh, it's not super hard to get.

Ed Zitron of Better Offline and Where's Your Ed At engages regularly in a unilateral war of aggression against Sam Altman. He has done a ton of research on Sam, as he has for other "rot economy" tech figures, and thus has a sophisticated factual scaffold built around them he can hold them to. For me, it's just like a… taste, or smell. I'm receiving information from some kind of sense, and it is setting off red lights on the panel. Is that fair? I dunno. If I saw a huge lizard gnawing at the roots of Yggdrasil, to what extent am I required to give it the benefit of the doubt? We clown ourselves when we hold ourselves to baroque standards of fairness around malefactors like this. They know about the rules, they just think those rules are for other people. They depend on this asymmetry. They rely on it.

I don't name the things inside Monster Hunter Wilds! That was not my job. But if it had been my job, I would have probably named it the same thing just to get an easy strip out of it. They're giving this shit away! They're giving this shit away.

I like this Josef Fares guy. He's whacked out and he says weird shit. A filmmaker who made a kind of wild, natural slide toward game development - I've known a couple people like this - he's carved out some kinda fuckin' lane. I understand that it's considered bad form to accrue all the valor for game development into a single person, but I also feel confident that you know that I know other people worked on it. Which is true! It would have taken way longer otherwise.

I played a lot of games over the weekend including Monster Hunter Wilds and Split Fiction. If you’ve got someone to play it with, Split Fiction is a blast. It’s full of fun, unique cooperative mechanics that will have you and whoever you're playing with working together to navigate each new level. Kara and I had planned on giving it a quick try and then playing some Marvel Rivals but once we fired it up we couldn’t stop and spent the rest of the night in Split Fiction. The hook is also great as the game has you bouncing between the imaginations of two different writers, one who does fantasy and the other who does Sci-Fi. Don’t skip this one if you have a gaming partner. It would also make a great entry point if you have someone who isn’t a gamer yet but you want to play something with them. Kara and I give it all the thumbs up. 

Now that Eric, Kiko, and Grib are all knee deep in monster guts, the idea of running with a full four is too tantalizing to resist. I've just been doing shit! It shouldn't be considered unwillingness on my part. I did grab the benchmark, and it seems like performance won't be too bad, but apparently this benchmark isn't a good indicator of performance? What kind of bench is it marking exactly? Maybe it just indicates how willing you are to install benchmarks. In that realm, dear readers, I've proved exemplary.

When I first talked to Grib about the new Monster Hunter, it was similar to talking to him about racing games before he actually liked cars. "The cars look like real cars," he'd say. "You drive them around on tracks and roads." One day later, his Hunter was Hunting some kind of octopus thing and now he's gone batshit for it. Kiko has never played one, but he's got a storehouse of skill he developed playing Bloodborne and a lot of that is gonna map. I'm comfortable saying that Monster Hunter is, itself, a genre.

In realspace, Gabriel has a tooth problem - several - and the arduous journey of taming this zone is nearly at an end. I wasn't aware that he was even sad about his toofs; I'm an eye looker, not some brigand crawsman. I didn't know until I was thirty two years old that my dad was literally missing one of his upper middle teeth and I had known the man since I condensed into this form. My fang trubs are the opposite - my teeth are goosed because I had braces and didn't, you know, one hundred percent wear my retainers all the time. I mean, they're fine. I can chew stuff. But there are a couple of 'em that lean a bit, like they're posted up outside the corner store. That leer. Rough characters.

Reacher is big, dumb fun about a big smart man who fucks people up. I can't even imagine the patience - the forbearance - to wait until the third season to put him against someone larger than he is. And I guess I say patience and forbearance, but there's also the possibility that it simply took a long time to find someone that large who wasn't the grim fruit of some blacksite military experiment.

We exist in an incredibly weird space; we know a lot of people we really shouldn't know, given our irascible natures and rustic beliefs. We simply end up in the path of novel individuals from time to time and even if we start off on the wrong foot with them, which we often do because of the aforementioned irascibility, we typically arrive at some kind of positive relationship. I'm unfailingly polite in real life because my momma raised me right. This is a performance space; getting mad at me is like getting mad at an actor for something their character did.

If you could watch a pringle instead of eat one, just look at it and absorb it, that's essentially Love is Blind. The show is Certifiable, definition 2. It's a dating show in its molecular form, it's clearly been designed by certified (definition 1) psychiatric experts to perforate human beings, to peel them like an onion. Its structure is something like a rocket - there's a Booster Phase where the participants can't see each other, and the participants wade through waist-high gossip to and from the little chambers they make them sit in. Then, once that phase balls into the atmosphere, they get fucking engaged with these people they've never seen before and this goes all the ways you think. You gotta meet a woman's dad who hates you and hates the show and thinks it's a mockery of the society they grew up in. Then you see if any of those people actually go through with it. Then they do an episode where they get all those people later and put them in the same room! Heavy sheets of plastic are laid down and stapled to the walls because three to four people get murdered in this episode, on average.

I guess it makes a little more sense that Amazon secured James Bond when you consider that one of the many, many, many things they have been allowed to buy is MGM. It's not just, like, for Prime Video or something. They're gonna make a real movie and stuff.

My comics knowledge is made up of modern weirdo auteur shit and whatever my friends were reading back in the oughts. World War Hulk I kinda sorta know about but not really, mostly because aspects of the lead up were parted out in other movies and my brain demanded that I spend a lot of time on wikis. So I didn't know until we were writing the strip yesterday that Red Hulk is called Rulk. Rulk! Okay, sure.

We borrowed the punchline from Dabe, who actually had this experience IRL. Or, in game I guess. But the game was being played in real life? I'll have to sit down for a second and really think about where the parentheses begin and end on this shit - I'm being seized 24/7 by incalculable whorls. You usually try to figure it out from the names, there's only a few total formats they use, but occasionally you don't know and you might feel compelled to ask. I feel like asking a person if they are a bot is probably worse than leaving it ambiguous; it's nice when they simply volunteer the information. I guess we also have to consider that these bots have become ensnared by carnal hungers. I'll keep an eye on it, I guess.