Now that Kingdom Hearts is on PC, it… well, it was on EGS. Now that it's on more PCs via Steam, it's time to figure out which Kingdom Hearts is right for you. I've digested enough lore videos to know that the Dunkey video doesn't have as many jokes in it as you would think it does, but I'm not super up on what the most savoury route through these things actually is.
Fans of this series do not find the confusion that naturally occurs when a person is befuddled by this sprawling legendarium funny at all. They say that you can just use the regular numbers - numbers which include 1.5, 2.5, 2.8, 358/2, and X - and why are you pretending to be a stupid dumb idiot. First, rude. Second, there are more Kingdom Hearts games without numbers (or algebraic proxies) than actually have them. I think there might still be some complexity here, I dunno. Here is the image I was given to go from, presumably because it would reveal to me just how simple it all was. Is it simple? IS IT?!
None of this is to say it isn't worth it, or whatever. This series takes crazy motherfuckin' swings all the time, inside a complex story structure where identities are partitioned, keys are sharp, and Goofy is also there. Fans of this are just generally done with all the jokes and shit, they don't wanna hear it. I suspect it's sorta like Furs. All they want is to lean into that grey wolf fursona and they don't want to talk about how hot it gets in the suit. They don't want to police the fraught border between Therians and Furs. They only want to be wolf, shrug emoji.
I'm not trying to say that Kingdom Hearts fans are like furries in any other way, unless they are also, themselves, furs. Some of my best friends are literally furs. And Gorb is obsessed with Kingdom Hearts. So, I either have no dog in the fight, or I have two dogs - and some of those dogs may be grey wolves.
For seventy dollars, the current sale price of the (ahem) "KINGDOM HEARTS INTEGRAL MASTERPIECE," you can never think about these things at all and simply get all of them at once. Seeing as it's about ten bucks more than the regular price on some of these offers, maybe that's the boss move.
(CW)TB out.
